Bettie Mae Page for President in 2024
The looming question on every American mind in the run-up to Election 2024 is: "Who dares to challenge Kamala Harris?"
There are plenty of DEI candidates: educated, competent, caring men and women of colour dedicated to the American Way of Life. There might even be the odd white person out there. Problem is, they’re all too smart. Nobody wants to even touch the job. Nonetheless, the Dems have fielded their candidate and are busy polishing her image and papering over all her shortcomings in the well-honed Hollywood tradition. They’ve hired a linguistics coach to boost her vocabulary to at least 500 words.
That's why I'm nominating Bettie Mae Page for President and Tempest Storm as her Veep. That and the fact that (sadly) they're both dead.
Why I love 💋Bettie Mae Page
I’ve always yearned to experience sex with Bettie Mae Page (1923–2008). Iconic Bettie partook of my mother’s generation and they both died in the same year, before Bettie and I ever got to know one another in the biblical sense. I don't see the age gap as a huge obstacle. Among the first volumes that I picked up as a teenager from a second hand bookstore was "In Praise of Older Women, the Amorous Adventures of Andra Vajda." by Stephen Vizinczey.
I couldn’t locate any paintings or sculptures depicting Bettie Mae Page, other than a flat granite grave marker at Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery in Brentwood, California. Perhaps it’s because Bettie, despite her voluptuous body and sultry personality, was rather modest chest-wise (34B) for a burlesque queen, although I wouldn’t hold bra size against anyone. I’ve always asserted that the dearth of flat-chested women in art was due to a shortage of models, a consequence of supply-chain logistics, with full-figured ladies getting all the paid modelling jobs by default. I’m sure that had Bettie lived during the 15th-century, both Leonardo and Michelangelo would have immortalized her in oil colours and marble, she’s that monument-worthy.
Bettie was ahead of her time. Had there been Instagram and OnlyFans in the 1950s, she’d have become an influencer and multi-millionairess. As it was, she didn’t do badly, assuming the mantle of world-class pin-up and patron saint of the Bullet Bra. Bettie owned the secret of selfie-obsessed Kim Kardashian’s success: just be yourself. And get in everyone’s face.
Watch as President hopeful Bettie Mae Page introduces her cabinet post selections for 2024. Source: Youtube
And, of course, she had a great set of nipples, although classical burlesque seldom reveals everything a performer owns (Source).
“I am not indecent. I will not plead guilty!” — Bettie Page
Like Presidential hopeful Donald J. Trump, Bettie Page refused to plead guilty. Instead, she always insisted that she was a normal, healthy, American woman. Sure, she isn't a so-called person of colour or an immigrant or transexual or any other kind of diversity hire, but none of those considerations was ever important to burlesque house audiences back in the day. Most importantly, Bettie never let any groping politician "grab 'em by the pussy." She was a feminist in the purest sense of the word. Not big busted like, say Kim Kardashian or Sofia Loren or Diana Dors, but at least Bettie's were real.
Some potential Vice-Presidential candidates
A number of potential Vice-Presidential candidates have been put forward by the Democratic Party in its frantic attempt to field a ticket at least as banal as the Trump-Vance tag team. Given the deficit of credibility, total lack of decorum, and sheer idiocy of the previous Trump administration, a strong Democratic challenge shouldn't be difficult to mount. So why can't they?
First of all, neither Trump, Vance, nor Kamala have even an iota of sex appeal. So why not pick a hunky VP to balance out the ticket? It makes sense but WTF, they’re going with Tim Walls, or Waltz, or whatever.
Can anyone even imagine a healthy Amercan male masturbating over a Kamala Harris poster? Or a healthy American woman achieving orgasm at the thought of J.D. Vance? Don't answer that question; there are always one or two out there. And Tim Walz? Fuggedabadit!
Trump? Heck, those 26 pending sexual abuse lawsuits didn't just materialize out of thin air. Does he still want to date his own daughter? Just askin’.
So, why didn’t the Dems recruit Hilary Clinton if they wanted to get a rise out of Trump who still insists that she belongs behind bars? If Hilary couldn't get and keep Bill's lingam up, what luck might she have with Vladimir Putin? Effectively zero. Even frumpy Angela Merkel was more appealing to the Russian strongman. Scratch Hilary.
Then, there was Pete Buttigieg. Pete's stint as a war hero in Afghanistan, for what it's worth, appeals to many, given America's commitment to endless proxy wars and a military that is the country's largest employer. Pete is also popular with the LGBTQAI+ (and whatever new letters have been added since I last looked) crowd. Pete and his white, same sex partner's adoption of Black twin children ticks all the woke boxes.
Like Ireland, Misogyny Central believes that America could greatly benefit from electing a gay President, and especially one of Mayor Pete's caliber, although that's another essay entirely. The real issue is whether he can do the job. As Biden's Secretary of Transporation, Republicans have criticized Pete for neglecting supply chain issues while spending too much time on maternity leave. Being straight out of the privileged, upper class, Ivy League mold as many congresspersons are these days, his appeal to anyone outside the woke community is unlikely to grow and won't push Kamala over the top in November. Scratch Mayor Pete.
Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear was a possible vice-presidential candidate. Beshear achieved reelection to a second term in a deep-red state that Trump carried by some 25 points in 2020. He made abortion a major issue in his campaign and has opened the state as a refuge for stateline-hopping ladies eager to terminate their unwanted pregnancies. Like Mayor Pete, Beshear ticks all the woke boxes despite the fact that Kentucky is the fifth poorest among the 50 states and receives more in federal subsidies than it pays into the federal coffers in taxes. In other words, it's a parasite. Abortion clinic revenue is badly needed. Scratch Andy Beshear.
Kamala could have picked Pennsylvania governor Josh Shapiro but he’s a Jew and, therefore, totally un-woke. Shapiro would have lost her the Queers for Palestine vote, not to mention the entire constituencies of Representatives Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar, the only no-vote and abstainer from a Congressional motion that condemned Hamas and the events of October 7, 2024 in Israel. Scratch Josh Shapiro.
I could go on with potential VP picks but WTF; they're all cut from the same soiled cloth.
Since Kamala Harris was not chosen by registered members of the Democratic Party in the tradition fashion, but instead appointed in a very undemocratic fashion, why shouldn’t she, in turn, appoint an equally unworthy Veep? The American democracy is headed for the dustbin anyway, so what’s one more shortcut?
Achieving peace with the Russians
Kamala Harris is a former prosecutor who would love nothing better than to put Vladimir Putin behind bars. Being a former KGB coronel, Vlad would like nothing better than to see Kamala tortured and broken on the rack. Vlad can have any woman in the world that he wants - all relationships being transactional - but what might happen should President Bettie Mae Page dedicate her considerable diplomatic skills to softening up the Russian strongman? The results are highly predictable: immediate peace and cooperation in the world.
A New Deal for America
November is approaching fast, fast, fast. Last time I looked, there were only 90 days left and counting down. So, let's get serious. Forget Kamala Harris and that lacklustre minion she picked as her running mate.
Please make Bettie Mae Page your Presidential write-in candidate with Tempest Storm as her Veep.
In the immortal words of American jurist Clarence Darrell:
"I rest my case..."