Bettie Mae Page for President in '24, Official Press Release and Campaign Photos
Unlike Damnocrats and Repubicoots, the Bettie Mae Page for President Campaign enjoys very limited resources. Like so many Americans these days, we're disenfranchised and downright poor. Nonetheless, compared to Kamaloopie and Minnesotta Burning, or Hillbilly and The Outlaw, Bettie Mae Page is every healthy male (and some female) voter's fantasy President.
Let's change that fantasy into reality. I mean, when was America NOT great? Write-in Betty Mae Page for President and Tempest Storm for Vice President on your November ballot. Not only will Bettie become our first woman President, she'll be the world's first Pin-Up President.
The Bettie Mae Page for President in '24 Official Press Package includes a campaign button and valuable set of Bettie Page NFT (NonFungible Token) trading cards. Unlike Donald Trump and Kamala Harris trading cards, supporters don't have to buy them. These images can be downloaded free of charge, reproduced on your home printer, and freely traded on social media platforms. And just think how much they may be worth in, say, a few thousand years when the democratic process is all but forgotten. Well, the Roman Empire didn't last forever and neither did Hitler's Thousand Year Reich. So, go figure.
Nonetheless, one thing never changes: "Woman needs man and man must have his mate, on this you can rely..." (Herman Hupfeld, As Time Goes By, 1931). If we're going to have a woman president in the USA, then why not one with a modicum of sex appeal?
Official Press Announcement
Mexico recently elected a woman to its version of the White House. In newly minted President Claudia Sheinbaum's first press conference, she demanded that Spain apologize to Mexico for its role in rescuing her country's indigenous population from ritual human sacrifice, endless brutal wars, widespread cruel torture of women and children, slavery, and grinding poverty under its Aztec rulers.
Spain's response was predictable. How do you say "Go sit on a pointed stick" in Spanish?
If Bettie Mae Page is elected President of the USA in 2024, she will demand that Homo Sapiens apologize to Neanderthals.
It's not a joke. DNA profiling has revealed that some contemporary humans have up to 2% Neanderthal in their genomes, the result of interbreeding of the two species during pre-history. Scientists are still unsure about whose women were the most appealing but surely sex with a super-hairy biped only recently come down from the trees is better than sex with a goat, a practice that is allegedly still enjoyed in some hot, un-namable countries having too many rockets.
Two percent is a lot when you think about it. Nonetheless, Bettie has a plan (like Elizabeth Warren's, remember?). A surtax will be levied on those citizens with a below average amount of body hair based on follicle count, the proceeds of which will fund the reparations program and, in a somewhat obtuse manner, stimulate the economy.
By putting more money into the pockets of Neanderthals (remember America's "One Drop" law?), which they will immediately spend quite frivolously, a huge demand will be created for high-end cars, illicit drugs, lottery tickets, pornography and sex trade workers, while hair removal lotions, creams, and laser hair removal sales may see a downturn in sales. Hair growth stimulant sales will be up, though. Way up. Bald men will become even more humiliated, if that's even possible. Don't tick that bald box on your dating app because it automatically triggers a tax invoice from the IRS .
Official Campaign Photo
Fourteen (that's 14!) states have already ruled that you won't need any ID to vote. So, bring lots of undocumented migrants, your mummified great-aunt Fanny gathering dust in the corner, and as many AI-enabled Real Dolls as you may own (California residents). Bettie needs all the votes she can get.
Thanks and see ya'all at the polling station.
Oh! And most importantly, please contribute to the Bettie Mae Page for President in '24 Campaign.